Time has continued to move on, which in some ways is good, but in some ways is more difficult. It is good to be busy and be happy and have fun again. But it is difficult to be farther away from the space and time where Sloane was here and we held her and she felt so real.
One of the things that helps this is to have wonderful people who remember her with us; people who really remember her and who feel the sadness and miss her with us. It helps to know we are not alone in this experience, and to know that she continues to be loved in spite of her physical absence, and to know she has made an impact in others' lives as well as our own. I have two incredible, beautiful, kind friends who each gave me a small remembrance of Sloane, but who also bought the same small remembrance for themselves. Both of these women have little girls about the same age Sloane would be, and it means the world to know that they have this remembrance and will think of her as they raise their own daughters. Because all anyone wants is to be remembered.
6 months has past, and to many, I may appear fine. And indeed, in many ways I am fine. But I still have dark moments and times when nothing is ok and it's not fair and I don't know how I can go on and all I want is for her to be here. I want a do-over. 6 months feels like a very long time, and I feel very old compared to who I was a year ago.
So while it has been a few days past since Sloane's 1/2 birthday, I remain grateful to those who remember me, but most importantly to those who remember her and continue to think of her.