Shortly after Sloane died, I wanted to go to the temple right away. This was not usual for me. I have always enjoyed the temple, thought it is beautiful, felt good when I am there, and believed in the ordinances that take place there, but I have never really been one of those people that could spend hours upon hours there. There was a large part of me that went because I knew it was the right thing and I knew I should, but not always because I wanted to, even if I was always glad I did afterwards.
But I knew that the temple would be a place that I could feel Sloane with me. This was more than a belief, or a nice idea. I knew it.
I waited a little time before going to the temple to make sure I was healed physically enough to be able to be comfortable while there. We went on Friday en route to Josh's marathon.
While I expected to feel immediate peace and joy, instead I felt sad, but sad in a good way, if you can relate to that. I was so sad not because I didn't feel her presence, but because I did...she was there, but this made me miss her more. This sadness was short-lived, however, and I could spend the majority of the time thinking of her peacefully and in gratitude that we can be together again. It made me so thankful that Josh and I were married in the temple...something that I always wanted, but never fully comprehended the importance of until losing Sloane.
I know she is ok and that she is doing good and important things helping others. She is ok, and so I will keep trying to be ok without her here.
