"Cause if we're talkin bodies..."

Opportunities to hold Lewis while he sleeps are few and far between these days as we work on getting him to sleep on his own in his crib. But on the rare occasions it still happens (like today), I soak it up. I know to many he is still a little baby, but to us he seems so much bigger every day! Because when he lays on my chest, I think of how not long ago, he was such a very teeny tiny baby who found such solace from hearing my heart beat. And how not long before that when I was still pregnant, I was all he knew.

As he laid on my chest and I reminisced about how far he has come and how far we have come together, I started to think about bodies. Josh and I have had plenty of conversations about how unfair various aspects of motherhood vs. fatherhood seem, many of which are because they take their toll on a woman's body physically. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding...each of these by themselves is not for the faint of heart. But pile them on top of each other one right after another and it has the potential to lead to some difficulties.

I've never really struggled with self-image or body image save a short stint freshman year in college when I thought I was fat thanks to a stupid personal trainer. I worked out a little too much, went on a cabbage soup diet, and then was thankfully saved at Thanksgiving when I remembered how much I love real food. But I've pretty much always worn the same size of clothes and could most of the time walk into a store and find something that I liked on me.

After having Sloane, there were physical aspects that were devastating that I've mentioned previously, but I had the luxury of being able to run as much as I wanted anytime I wanted. This was crucial to my healing and recovery, plus as I worked hard, I was able to get back to my pre-pregnancy size relatively quickly.

With Lewis, while I have this sweet babe to hold in my arms,  I am more limited in how much I can exercise and when I can exercise. Added to that is the cumulative effect that pregnancy and childbirth seem to have on most women--the second time around your body changes even more and it seems a little more permanent.

So I've found myself on a bit of a journey with my body in the past few months. I will always carry with me the emotional and physical scars from the births of my two babies. But I don't mind the C-section scar, and I really don't even mind the stretch marks. The hardest part for me has been having that pile of clothes that I love in the back of my closet that juuuuuust don't quite fit. And walking into a store and not loving everything that I try on, but having to be more strategic about how to dress this strangely new curvier body I now have.

A lot of days, getting dressed, looking in the mirror, and not recognizing the image looking back at me can be frustrating. But then there are those now-rare moments when I get to hold that sweet baby boy while he's napping, and with his head over my heart, our bodies still seem to fit so comfortably together and I know I would do it all again. The heartbreak, the waiting, the tears, and now the bigger clothes and different body...I would do it all again to have this little boy asleep in my arms. I know I won't be able to hold him like this for long. As he learns to crawl and move more on his own that distance between us will grow more and more and our bodies will feel less comfortable together than on their own. So I will work on soaking up that feeling and remembering the great and wonderful things my body has done for me and my babies.

Grief

The funny thing about grief is that it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. You'll be walking along in your life dealing with the day-to-day, then all of a sudden, BAM. It hits you like the trauma just happened yesterday, and it is there, and fresh and raw and you have to deal with it. And the difference is that hopefully by now, you've learned to deal with it better than you knew how to at first. Maybe not always, but maybe sometimes you're more equipped. You have more tools in your toolbox to get through this wave.

For me, one of my tools to deal with grief is writing. Writing in my blog, writing letters to Sloane, writing letters to Lewis. My emotions process more easily on paper than they do swirling around in my brain, so I get them down and write people are usually so nice about what I write. That's an added bonus when people actually get something out of what I write.

Today is September 1. Two years ago, this was going to be the month I would meet my baby girl! I was starting my new job as a first year school psychologist, and anxiously awaiting baby girl's arrival. I was due 9/22, but hopeful like most pregnant women to go a little early. So perhaps this is why the grief hits me today. September means the start of fall (in most places besides Mississippi...), and fall means the birth of my little girl. But history shows us that Sloane did not come in September, silly girl waited until October. It seems both of my children are stubborn and have minds of their own, waiting until they wanted to come. So maybe it is because her birthday is just a month and a day away, and I find myself thinking of what we will do this year to remember her and celebrate her birth while still honoring her death. It's hard to celebrate a birthday and a deathday all at once.

Regardless of what brought on the grief, I found myself writing today. Mind you, I am no poet, but sometimes words come out of my head and this time that took the form of a poem. Lewis and I had a rough morning and night, so these words poured out my mind effortlessly.

When my arms grow heavy from carrying you,
I think how grateful I am to hold you.

When my eyes burn and tears fall from lack of sleep,
I think how grateful I am you are here to keep me up.

When all I want is 5 minutes of peace or to take a shower,
I think how grateful I am you demand my attention.

When my ears tire of your cries because you hate falling asleep alone,
I think how grateful I am to have the chance to rock you.

Through the long days and sleepless nights,
I think how grateful I am to hold your warm body and feel your breath on my cheek.
Your very existence is a miracle, and that will never be lost on me.

Parenting a Rainbow Baby

I have been quiet on the blog lately bc our lives have been consumed with packing tape and moving boxes! While our house is far from done, it is livable and I have found myself needing a break this week from the craziness of moving. So back to the blog!

We have come a long way in the three months since Lewis was born. Newborn life was absolutely terrible and no amount of time or amnesia will ever let me forget how terrible it was. The combination of hormones, trouble breastfeeding, reflux or something like it was not pretty and was not handled well by me. But we survived and I now know that life with a baby indeed does get better! So if there will be other children in our future, it will not be because I have forgotten the horrors that are newborns, but it will be because I know that time is relatively short and there is hope and goodness to follow. (Like this adorable cheesy grin below!)

My thoughts lately have been on my short experience thus far parenting a "rainbow baby," or a baby born after loss. Pregnancy after loss had it's own ups and downs, as does parenting after loss. 

I found myself in Lewis' room last night rocking him to sleep crying. Crying because of the weight of him in my arms, and the warmth of his little body, felt so sweet. Crying because I will always remember all too well the physical emptiness that my arms and my body felt after Sloane died. But I don't feel that physical emptiness anymore. While my heart will always feel as though it has a hole from her absence, it is more than wonderful to have the physical emptiness taken away by my sweet baby boy. 

I know that having Sloane, and losing Sloane, has made me so much better of a mother than I ever would have been otherwise. It sucks that that is how it had to be, but I appreciate literally every second with Lewis. I don't think I am naturally cut out for this whole SAHM gig, and I already miss my school psychology, but I appreciate so much that I get to be home with Lew because I know that tomorrow is not guaranteed for my sweet babe. And if the day ever comes that he too, is taken, I want to know that I gave him too many kisses, too many hugs, too many snuggles, and that we read too many books, went for too many walks, and played too many silly games. I feel so much more motivation to be an amazing mother to him (or try...) because I don't have that opportunity to physically care for Sloane. So he gets all the love for both of them! 

I am sure these feelings on parenthood in general and parenthood after loss specifically will change as the stages of my life and of Lew's life change. But for now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for his presence and place in our family, and for the many lessons that Sloane continues to teach me. 

Baby boy at baby girl's grave, May 2016

38 Weeks with Baby L!

We tried to take regular photos during the pregnancy with Baby L to capture every moment we had with him. After losing Sloane, we didn't want to miss anything.

Physically, the pregnancy was great, although I seemed to experience a lot more of the stereotypical pregnancy symptoms than I did with Sloane. I had strange cravings (pickles and chocolate for dinner, anyone??), was forgetful, and more emotional. For most of the pregnancy however, I really enjoyed being pregnant. Like everyone, I got to the point where I was tired of wearing the same 4 outfits over and over, tired of sleeping on my side, and tired of feeling so large, but I really did try to appreciate being pregnant. The process of creating and carrying a new little person is incredible to me and I love seeing how my body changes to accommodate this new little person.

Emotionally, this pregnancy was tough, not surprisingly. It took me a long time to even accept that I was pregnant again and I felt pretty disconnected for awhile. Every ultrasound was scary until I could feel him move regularly. There were so so many times I convinced myself he was dead. I think this was a self-preservation coping mechanism, because if I convinced myself he was dead, and he really was, then it wouldn't be a surprise. But if I convinced myself he was dead, and he was alive, then I could just be relieved.

So here is my pregnancy journey with our little guy!

Baby L #2: 28 Weeks

The 3rd trimester has hit hard! In the past week, the heartburn has started, I don't fit into any normal clothes anymore, and the fatigue has kicked in! Let the countdown begin :)

People often ask a pregnant woman how she is feeling. This is considerate, although awkward. I have decided to be truthful most of the time and answer this question honestly. There are two aspects to take into account when answering this question: how am I doing physically, and how am I doing emotionally. Lucky for most people who ask me this question, I don't go into quite this level of detail with them.

28 weeks!

Physically: Like any typical second pregnancy, I feel quite large quite sooner than before. Most days, when I get home from work, I want nothing more than to lay on the couch and watch TV. Cooking doesn't really happen much anymore unless Josh cooks-but let's be honest, that's always been the case! It takes a lot for me to do anything during the week other than get dressed and go to work. I do tend to be more productive at home on the weekends...mixed in with lots of time relaxing. I'm just so big and awkward! But I know I will get so much bigger, so I try and keep that in mind. Baby's movements have also started to get big and very noticeable in the past week or two. It's very exciting and is also why I just want to lay on the couch, so I can watch and feel him dance!

Emotionally: This pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster. It started out tough because it took a long time for me to accept that I was pregnant. Then it was difficult because I couldn't feel the baby move and would often convince myself it was dead. Then I started to feel him move, but it wasn't consistent, so anytime I didn't feel him, I would convince myself he was dead. Now that he is moving a lot more regularly and with bigger movements, I don't worry as much that he is dead, but the current struggle has been preparing for him to come. I have the urge and desire to prepare his room, buy him clothes, buy diapers, etc., but it is just so hard to actually do it. I haven't successfully done any of those things without large and ugly breakdowns first, and even then it has taken quite some time to take any steps towards preparation.

I started working on the nursery over winter break, because I had a few days of extra time. I mostly just sat in there and cried for a long time, followed by moving the furniture around a little. I cried over my little girl who never got to use it, and cried over the uncertainty of the future. I cried over the time I spent preparing it for Sloane, and the time I was about to spend preparing it for a little boy who may never use it. I usually love designing rooms, but I just haven't been able to wrap my head around anything for this room. Part of it is because I want something new and different, but at the same time I don't want to spend money on anything new or different when what we have is perfectly fine.

To do: navy curtains, wicker baskets on shelf, hang art and leaves

After rearranging the room, I went through Sloane's clothes and other belongings. At first, I was surprised at how much we had that would work for a boy. But I went through it again this past weekend and was amazed and how much we don't have! I made a cart of baby clothes, and this time actually bought them! This was a big move. I still have a cart on Amazon that I can't bring myself to buy, but if/when we get closer, the 'zon will get it here in two days.

This Friday, we have our first weekly biophysical profile. They will check baby's movements, breathing, muscle tone, heart rate, and amniotic fluid. The perinatologist said that after a regular/normal BPP, the chance of stillbirth goes down to 1/1000 for the following week. Then I have my normal check-ups with my midwife every 2 weeks until 35ish weeks. Then I will get induced at 37-38 weeks! Which is only 9 weeks away. Which is really really very close.

I remember feeling similarly as I do now when I was pregnant with Sloane-like I am on the brink of a major change in my life, but it is so major that I have no idea what it will be like. I am stuck in between my regular life and my new life, but don't really feel like I am part of either one. The difference with this pregnancy is that I don't assume my new life will be with a baby. I know that it might be, or it might be mourning the loss of him. I just cannot wrap my head around bringing him home.

As we have gotten closer to labor and delivery, I have also started to have more flashbacks to L&D with Sloane, which is really tough. I need to remember that it should be a very different experience since I won't be laboring at home at all and will get induced.

This whole pregnancy after loss thing has surely not been easy. But we have made it to 28 weeks! That alone is plenty to be grateful for and farther than many women ever make it. I don't take that for granted, and in the midst of the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, I am trying to appreciate every kick and every stage of this baby boy's life so far. Here's to hoping for another healthy 9 weeks!

It's a....

BOY!

We went in for the 20 week anatomy scan on Wednesday. It was pretty clear pretty quickly that it's a baby boy growing in there! We got to watch him wiggle and squirm for awhile while the tech took all his measurements. We even got to see him with the 3D ultrasound to get a pic of his little face and hands! Then the doctor came in and said, "Everything looks great....That's pretty much all there is to say." Which was all I wanted to hear. So far, so good! We talked about the plan for the future, which will include another check up at Maternal Fetal Medicine at 24 weeks, and then weekly biophysical profiles starting at 28 weeks. He said the chance of stillbirth after a normal BPP is 1/1000. While we already know the odds have not played in our favor historically, this will provide reassurance from week to week. I'll most likely be induced between 38-39 weeks if everything goes well until then.

This is great news, and we have been happy all week because of it. I feel baby boy move pretty regularly (several times a day), which also provides reassurance. There is some level of frustration,  however, which is that if we had been monitored this closely with Sloane, the chances are that she would be here. If we had a BPP at our last appointment with her (4 days before I went into labor), the chances seem to be that they would have caught it. Maybe not-but she would have had a better chance. Which then leads me to think, why aren't ALL pregnancies treated as high risk? Obviously some women would not want that, and that's fine, but some would. And let's be honest- pregnancy and prenatal development are a high risk situation, just by nature of what they are. There's a lot going on in not a lot of time and a billion things that can go wrong. Does it really have to take a baby dying to get monitoring to make sure that the next baby doesn't die? Obviously, I'm not the kind of friend you want to have when you're pregnant, because I can be a tad fatalistic and doomsday. But, we will try and keep focusing on the here and now, which is that as of right now, baby is healthy, strong, and alive.

Follow-Up

I had my 6 week follow-up doctor's visit today.

There has been much anticipation surrounding this event for me ever since I called and made the appointment. I have been anxiously looking forward to it, knowing that I would be able to ask questions about Sloane and about my body. I had also been nervous about it, imagining it would be difficult to go back to the place where I had been so many times while pregnant with Sloane and see the people that helped me with her. The office also happens to be in the same parking lot as the hospital, so I knew that would be difficult.

Just as everything else has been, it was a mix of emotions going back, but these emotions were stronger than I anticipated. You see, I have been doing ok lately, and while I am having a hard time with the fact that I am doing ok, the truth is that I have been doing ok. So I thought that while it would be hard to go to this visit, it would be ok.

It was not really ok. I was quiet on the car ride there, I teared up walking inside and avoided eye contact with everyone, hoping to not see any pregnant women. I felt out of place in this place, because I was not pregnant and I did not have my baby. I felt like I didn't belong, because the only reason I ever went there before was when I was pregnant. I continued to tear up as I checked in to the office, and I started crying when they called my name to go back to the exam room. I started crying more as they got my weight and checked my blood pressure.

As much as you mentally prepare and visualize something difficult coming ahead of you, I don't think you can ever fully anticipate the range and depth of emotion that you will feel until you are in that moment. It was hard.

When my midwife came in, who continues to be one of my favorite people, we hugged and cried a little bit, but then it got better. We talked about Sloane and how her cord was long, and most likely, it got loosely knotted up when she was smaller, tightening once contractions started. We also talked about how if she had been alive during labor, she would have been able to help more with her positioning in the birth canal and probably wouldn't have come out chin first, which I like to think would've prevented some of her bruising and scratching.

I am recovering "beautifully" from the delivery, which is just another testament to me of how amazing bodies are. I have been in awe of myself (and pregnancy and birth in general) to a new level since having Sloane, and I continue to be amazed at what this body is capable of.

We also talked about the future and what that looks like for my little family. Josh and I have decided to try again right away for another baby. We have gone back and forth about this, and I have read countless other experiences and stories to try and wrap my head around what the best decision is. The truth is, there is no "best." Like everything else, there is no solution, no answer, no right or wrong in this situation. Which helps, but it also makes it harder because then we have to make our decisions and deal with the consequences. That's life, it turns out. So we have decided that it seems best for us that we try to have another baby.

Part of this decision is because we have loved the practice we have been at so much and would love to have another baby with them as our medical team. They know us and our story and that alone will make a world of difference. We know and trust them because they were there in our hour of need. Our midwife supports our decision to try again, and I know she will do whatever she can to help make it a good experience for us. I know it will be hard and there will be times I am nervous and anxious and unsure, but I know I will have the support to get through it. I will be able to have more ultrasounds this time and I will be able to get induced at 39-40 weeks. These 2 things already give me some peace. I think they will also let me come in to check the heartbeat whenever I want, which I imagine will be quite frequently :) I also imagine that I will become very familiar with using the nurse's line!

In this hard time, I am again grateful for the support of those around me. Today, I am especially grateful for a supporting midwife and practice.

Sloane's Journey

Even though Josh and I don't get to spend time with Sloane anymore now, we like to look back at the pregnancy and think of the joy and excitement we shared with her during those 41 weeks. The pictures below show her journey with us. Looking back at these pictures is a mixture of emotions--initially, it is difficult to see so much excitement and anticipation on my face, not knowing the sadness and loss that is waiting for me ahead. But then I feel such happiness that I was able to share so much time with her and do so many things with her. If I am blessed with pregnancy again in the future, I will not take one second for granted and will more fully enjoy the beauty of a life being created within me.


Here are the pregnancy announcements:

Positive pregnancy test!

Official pregnancy announcement

Here are the baby bump updates:

10 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks hiking in Moab

23 weeks at grad school graduation

27 weeks

28 weeks on the 4th of July in Wilmington

31 weeks at Rebecca's wedding in Alexandria, VA

33 weeks on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. 

34 weeks hiking at Kilgore Falls, MD

35 weeks at White Clay Creek, DE


36 weeks at Josh's bike race


37 weeks camping at the Pine Barrens in NJ


38 weeks at home


39 weeks at home

 41 weeks at home

So grateful for the joy and happiness Sloane brought us while she was here!

Sloane's Story

Although it is hard to share, I want to share. The time since Sloane was born has been a crazy mix of emotions-joy over our baby girl and despair over losing her at the same time. Everything is a crazy mix of emotions these days, and sharing her story is no different. Part of me wants everyone to know everything about our beautiful daughter, but part of me wants to keep her story just with Josh and me.

After I passed 40 weeks in my pregnancy, I was kind of a wreck. Even though I had never really counted on her being on time, or at least I told myself and others that I wasn't counting on her being on time, I think deep down I was hoping she would be. Every day after 40 weeks felt like an eternity. I was due Monday, September 22, and we had an appointment that day, as well as an appointment that Friday, September 26. Everything looked great at both appointments. The plan was to have another appointment the following Friday, October 3, and then I would have to be induced October 8 if she hadn't made her appearance yet. I wasn't really worried about her health at this point, I was worried about having to be induced because I wanted to have a natural birth so badly.

I started having some contractions on Monday, September 29. I wasn't sure if they were contractions or not because they were so sporadic and strange. It felt like she could have been just pushing and stretching out, but looking back on it, they were contractions. They increased a little on Tuesday, and then became more regular on Wednesday. I had planned on starting my maternity leave on Thursday, giving myself a day to relax and then having an appointment on Friday and thinking I could be induced on Monday, if necessary. So when I started having contractions on Wednesday, Josh and I laughed because it was like she waited until 1) it was October, and 2) I had finally mentally let go of work responsibilities.

When I got home from work Wednesday, Josh and I were both so excited and relieved that we would finally be meeting our little girl soon! We went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse, and Josh timed the contractions while we ate, about every 7-8 minutes apart. We went home and watched some TV. I listened to my HypnoBabies tracks and tried to relax and get comfortable. At about 11:30pm, Josh called the on-call doctor to see when we should come in because my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. He said to come in when they were 3 minutes apart and were taking my breath away each time. The rest of the night was pretty restless...I remember laying on the couch and Josh rushing around trying to make sure everything was ready.

At around 5:30am, we left for the hospital. We parked, grabbed our bags, and went into the maternity ward. We had to wait about 10 minutes before a nurse coming to get us. She brought us back to a room and pulled out the doppler to check the heartbeat. She had a really hard time finding it, but I did not think twice about this because it usually took our midwife a little while to find it because Sloane moved around so much. The nurse told us that she couldn't find the heartbeat, but that she would get the doctor to check for it. Again, I still wasn't very worried. The doctor came in and couldn't find it either. I remember her looking at me and saying, "I'm so sorry, Sarah." I still didn't believe it though, I was sure that Sloane was just being sneaky and these two were just not finding it right away. Josh must have understood the severity of the situation, though, because he immediately gave me a blessing. The only thing I remember from the blessing was that I would be healed, whether that be physically, spiritually, or emotionally.

We went into another room to have an ultrasound. I closed my eyes because I knew if there were good news, people would tell me, but I could not bear to look at the sadness in people's faces if there were bad news. No one said anything, except repeating that there was no heartbeat. Still in shock, I headed back to the first room, but on the way down the hallway, it hit me that we had lost our baby girl, and I started sobbing.

A lot of the time after this is a blur. We made our way into a permanent room upstairs in the high risk unit. The midwife that was working that day, Sharon, talked us through what the day would look like. Although I had planned on having a natural birth, I knew there was no way I could do that anymore. I got an epidural pretty quickly, and that improved the physical aspect of everything a lot. I was able to rest some the rest of that day. They started pitocin around noon to speed things up. It was a pretty awful day. Josh was by my side the whole time, and I think we were both in a state of shock and despair the whole day.

They started to ease off the epidural around 7pm, and I started to push about 8:30pm. It was pretty awful. I was doing ok at first, but then it just seemed to last so long, and I was so tired, and it hurt so bad. I thought I was going to explode and I wanted to give up but I knew the only way for it to stop was for me to keep going. I had Josh on my left hand, the nurse on my right hand, and the doctor below. Finally, at 10:09pm on October 2, 2014, our dear Sloane was born. Physically, I felt instant relief and gratitude that that part was over.

They cleaned Sloane off a little bit and Josh brought her into me. She was absolutely beautiful and perfect. She weighed 7 lbs. 14 oz. and was 20 inches long. After she was born, the doctor showed us her umbilical cord--it had been wrapped around her neck twice, had a "true knot," and was clotted. The true knot is most likely what caused her death. Sloane's head had been tilted up during the delivery, so she was bruised and scratched pretty badly, but that didn't matter to me when seeing her. I finally got to hold the perfect little baby that I had carried for so long and wondered about every day and night. I anticipated this time to be very difficult, but it was so precious and sacred. We knew she was there with us, even though she was not with her body anymore.

Josh and I got to spend that night and the following morning with her. One of our friends came that night and made molds of her hands. We held her, talked to her, told her how much we loved her and were going to miss her, and enjoyed every second of our short time there. In the morning, a professional photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came and took pictures of her and us. Again, this was a very special time-the lighting was beautiful and it felt like we had a small slice of heaven in our room that morning.

We decided we were ok to leave around 2pm. We had reached the point where we were at peace with the fact that she was no longer with her body.

Driving away from the hospital was awful. We had the carseat in the back of the car, but no baby in it. I had no baby in my arms as I was wheeled out of the hospital. And we were going home to a nursery that would never have Sloane in it. I don't know how we made it home safely, because I'm pretty sure we both cried the whole way home.

Again, the next few days are a blur. We met with a funeral director and a cemetery manager. We had friends pick out a white dress for her to be buried in. My mom picked out flowers for the casket. People started bringing us food. So many things that had to be done that were not easy--I felt like I was just going through the motions.

We had her service on Tuesday, October 7 at All Saints Cemetery in Wilmington, DE. It was simple, small, and beautiful with just a few close friends and family. Josh and I both said a few words, along with our bishop. We sang a couple of hymns and buried our little girl.

Now we are just surviving. I don't really know where to go from here, or how to keep going. I know we will, and I know we will be ok. I know I will never be the same-she changed me and who I am forever. I am so grateful for her...grateful to be her mom, grateful that she made Josh a dad, and grateful that she will be spared from the difficulties of this world. But I am also sad...so sad that she is not in my arms now, sad that we do not get to know her personality now, sad that we will not have her in this life, and sad for all of the time I will miss her. So for now, this is my new life, a constantly changing state of emotions.

Baby Showers!

We were lucky enough to have 2 baby showers for the little lady coming into our lives soon. The first was in Ohio with Josh's family and friends there. It was pretty low key-we had lunch, had random prize drawings every 20 minutes, played a question game (people had to guess my answers to questions about the pregnancy and baby), and opened presents. We are so grateful to everyone who came and supported us!

My wonderful MiL spent HOURS prepping the weeks and days before. These are her famous cookies!

I don't know how to smile normally most of the time...

The room setup!

Some of the homemade goodies.

Josh's aunt, cousin, and 2nd cousins. 

Josh's cousins and 2nd cousins

Aunts, cousins, and 2nd cousins.

Awesome friends who drove quite the distance to be there for us!!

Aunt and wonderful notes taker. 

Sister and nieces.

All of the family at the event

2 of my favorite roommates at BYU--love and miss them!

Our second shower was in Delaware with our friends out here. We also wanted this to be very casual, and more of a party celebrating the baby than a typical "shower." The events included eating and socializing, and ended with opening presents, because I was told that people like to see small toys and articles of clothing being opened. 

My wonderful supervisor and co-worker from last year, who offered to throw Josh and I such a cute shower!

Everyone was invited to bring a book for the baby, so she has a well-stocked library already. 

Frank was happy to be invited, especially because he got to become "friends" with 3 beautiful cats! 

"S'more thanks" for each of the guests.

Both showers were so much fun and we are so thankful for the love and support shown to us and our incoming little girl! She is lucky to already have so many people in her life who care for and love her.