Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Baby L #2: 20 weeks

We find out the sex of baby L #2 tomorrow!

So many people have been so excited for this appointment tomorrow. Excited to the point that they remember when the appointment is weeks or days after I tell them. Maybe these are all just exceptionally thoughtful people, but I do not remember when my own appointments if they aren't in my calendar, let alone someone else's appointments. People are good.

Having other people be excited about finding out the sex, and being excited in general for this baby, is slowly starting to creep into my own emotions. It has been really hard for me to start to accept that this pregnancy may have a different outcome than my pregnancy with Sloane, and I definitely have not totally accepted that yet. But the more people that are purely excited, the more I start to think that there must be something to their excitement. If so many people can think that I will walk away from this with a healthy baby, then maybe, just maybe, I actually will. If so many people can assume that pregnancy leads to a living baby, then maybe it will for me, just once. While I know better than most that a healthy pregnancy does not always lead to a healthy baby, maybe I can be one of the majority this time around.

I'm not sold yet, but I'm entertaining the thought.

I can't say I am necessarily excited to find out the sex tomorrow. I honestly do not care if it is a boy or girl-either outcome would be accompanied by its own set of feelings. But I am excited to see this babe wiggle and squirm again, and find out if everything is developing ok. That's what gets me excited these days, being reassured that everything looks healthy and normal. And finding out how much monitoring I will have as the pregnancy progresses. No doctor can tell me either of those things enough. So hopefully tomorrow will be a good day!


  1. I just saw the last TWO posts! I don't know how I missed the previous one. I am so excited for you guys and can't wait to find out what you are having! I feel so much of what you described in these two posts. I am constantly fluxing between excitement and trepidation. I really really want to be totally excited, but I just can't quite let myself. My C-section date is set for Dec 30th, and I, like you, really hope to drive away from the hospital with a living baby. I feel so close, which is good and scary :) I just keep thinking about all the people I know who lost a baby, then had a normal delivery after that. That gives me hope. Good luck in your journey, I really am so excited and happy for you guys!

  2. Yay! So happy for you! Praying for you and baby to make it safely!

  3. So many feelings for you both! Congratulations. So is it a boy or girl?